Fighting Chance

May was Cystic Fibrosis Awareness month here in SA as well as in many other countries overseas, and this year I have eased off on the awareness for many reasons, one of them being that I feel I am preaching to the same few people who know me and us as a family and those who really do care. 'Cystic Fibrosis' is a small percentage of population here and year after year it is the same old thing with very little impact. You know mankind is a very strange creature and so often it is only when affected by something in a personal capacity that they ever stop to think what someone may be going through.

When Mark was still alive I never said much to anyone about Cystic Fibrosis and not many ever asked about him or what was wrong with him. It was almost as if they didn't want to know. I remember at one point there was a rumour going around his school that he actually had AIDS..... I mean really, how ignorant were those that thought that or even said it.

With NiQi it has been different. She has lived longer, her struggles have been different and she dreams of a life...a real life where she can party with the best of them, stay up late, take long walks on the beach, do endurance riding on her horse, play netball again and just chill like everyone else her age.

Since her trust fund was started a few years ago, it has been CF, CF, CF.... so much so that I now feel that our friends and relatives don't want to keep hearing about  fundraising for her, so I have decided to step back and just let it be.

Since starting with our baking, my life has become busier with orders as well as the markets. Cupcakes have become our speciality but I don't ever say 'No' to an order. If I have to stay up all night to make a baking creation, I will do so.

One of my friends from school has been really kind ordering cakes from us for the children at her school. I made two cakes for her recently and when she came to collect them she asked about NiQi, as she always does. I told her that it has not been going well which led her to ask more about waiting on the transplant list. I explained the process but was reminded and told her, about NiQi when she was signing the Living Will forms. She sat for ages just staring at the paper in front of her, pen in hand, not doing anything else. Suddenly she turned to me and with tears streaming down her face, she said to me: 'promise me you will give me a fighting chance, promise me you won't just switch off the machines without letting me fight first.' I promised just that and with a lump in my throat I turned my back on her so she would not see how much it grieved me that she had to think about dying when she hasn't really lived. Our daily life revolves around CF.... some days it is minimal and others massive....it never ever leaves us, we do not get a break.

Death of a Bakkie

It is quite well known amongst family and good friends that we have been struggling with our vehicles ever since they were vandalized a few years ago.

It happened at a time when Johan was between jobs and the only thing he had to keep him busy right then was the CPF. He had many hours to put into creating documents that had never been available, putting structures in place and attending numerous meetings. He was so involved that the criminals heads turned and the police suddenly realized they may actually have to tow the line.

We believe as did the police, that the vandalism of both the astra and our bakkie were deliberate attempts as well as warnings for Johan to back off.

In any event both vehicles were literally given 'patch' jobs to get them up and running. We had a local chap in the area look at them both and at a minimal cost to us we managed to get them on the road again.

Once Johan was once again employed we had the astra sorted and at huge expense the bakkie eventually had a reconditioned engine fitted.

Neither of them have ever been the same though and if you read my blog you remember my tale of how the astra towed the bakkie for 500km when we moved here last year August.

Sadly the astra has been standing since December after the head gasket blew one Saturday morning shortly after going past an accident. We were towed home by some kind soul who lives in the area and here it has remained. I have put my foot down with a very firm hand about spending any more money that amounts to thousands on either vehicle. It is such a waste and I am disgruntled to say the least that the reconditioned engine fitted into the bakkie at huge cost, has never worked as it should have. It was supposed to give us an extra 100 000km on the clock and it didn't even last 2000. I give the chap who fitted it his due, he did come down one day at his own expense and he and his apprentice fiddled on it for most of the day. When he left he said to me it will never make another long trip but should be alright for town travel.

Well in the last month the town travel trips have become fewer and fewer as it has joined Smoky Robinson while it chugs up the hills.

My brother in law who is a very meticulous mechanic and always concerned for the well being of anyone's vehicle, offered to pull the engine out and try to give it mouth to mouth. So it was that last week he took a few days of his leave, bless his soul, and attempted to rescitate what has become a heart that skips s beat. The end result was much the same as one who may go for an operation and on the surgeon opening you up, declares there is nothing they can do but stitch you up again and give you a minimal prognosis.

I went after the market on Saturday to fetch our tired old lady, and as my brother in law tried to explain in a language I would undrstand, I felt I was back in the nurses station of McDonald ward when Dr Friedlander told me Mark had Cystic Fibrosis and he would not live past 5 years of age. The feeling was much the same and as I left I was instructed to let him know if I arrived home safely.

I did arrive home safely and as we chugged up the hill I was telling her, I know you can, 'I know you can', just like in the Thomas the Tank Engine books that I read to our boys when they were little.

So it is with a very heavy heart we acknowledge that as each day goes by and another trip to the office is undertaken, a little more life is taken away from her. I have no idea what will be in the future but we are survivors that's for sure and until then I trust that Gods timing will be perfect for us and all our needs.

All Things Burglaries

If I had written this blog 5 days ago, or even last night, I would have written it differently to today but it is what it is and only through prayer and spending time alone with my thoughts did I receive grace to accept the event for what it was.....another rung on the ladder of life.

In the early hours of last Wednesday morning, while the dark of the night was still thick and heavy and our household was at rest, we had intruders in our home. NiQi was sleeping in her bedroom, Johan was in our room and I was in the spare room, having moved there earlier that night..... and I am ashamed to say it, but because of Johan's snoring. I haven't been sleeping well of late, tossing and turning night after night, concern over many matters rattling around in my mind.

That early morning was no different to many others, I was wide awake. I had been up at 3, walking through the house to the bathroom. Nothing was amiss at that time. I returned to the spare room and continued to lie awake listening to Molly barking with an incessant yap. She had been doing this for a while and I was waiting for Johan to wake and be irritated enough to investigate. He was ill with the flu, hence the snoring, however finally at 4 am I heard him get up and go to the window and call through to Molly to keep quiet. He too went to the bathroom and went back to bed to sleep. I hadn't heard him return to bed though and it was almost, in my mind, as if he was still up, as I heard noises in the house. I heard 'him' in the kitchen and the dining room and lounge area, opening and closing doors and moving things around. I started getting annoyed by 'him' and wondered what it was he was doing and what he might be looking for. At one point I thought to get up and ask him but I didn't because I was waiting for my alarm to go off as I had an order for a cake that I had to bake early and I just wanted to lie in bed a little while longer.  The next moment, I heard NiQi talking to Johan. She had woken him up and was in a panic because she couldn't find me and the house was wide open. I called to say I was in the spare room and jumped out of bed. By this time Johan was outside calling to me to let our neighbours know we had just been burgled.

Taking you back a few minutes in time, NiQi was woken with a red lazer light shining on her face. She remembers the light being bright and putting her arm up to shade her eyes. It must have been her movement that made the thieves decide to leave. Her first waking thought was that I had shined the light on her face but wondered why I would use the lazer torch that she had on her bedside cabinet. She opened her eyes and cast them over to where the torch was and saw it still lying there. She got up out of bed and walked out of her room to the lounge extension and then the lounge. She saw my Bible lying on the couch and thought I was up already as I am often an early riser. She walked to the dining room and glanced to the right of her into the kitchen. The lights were off and she thought I may be in the bathroom. She walked on through the house to the section that we are still renovating and the bathroom. As she went through the door to the 'new' flatlet she looked to her left and saw the French doors were open and wondered why I would be outside so early in the morning and leave the house wide open. She checked the bathroom and I wasn't there. She went to the French doors and in that moment she realized we had been robbed. She went back through the house and woke Johan.

Johan, now outside with the torch had noticed that the palisade gate between us and the plantation was open. It was the only section of our fencing that was not electrified. The padlock had been cut off with boltcutters. I, in the meantime had phoned our neighbour 2 houses away. He did not pick up his phone. (We later heard he did not recognise the number I was phoning from and in his state of half sleep thought it might be a wrong number.) I then phoned our immediate neighbour and he answered me. I told him we had just been burgled and Johan needed backup. While he pulled on his clothes and grabbed his keys and torch, his mom got onto the radio and told everyone what had happened. Within minutes we had many of our neighbours here or in the plantation.

I in the meantime phoned  our local police station. I dialled all the numbers I had stored in my phone and not ONE of them were answered. I ended up dialling 10111, a habit I got into when living in Grootvlei. I told them I had tried our local police station but no one picked up the calls. The lady I spoke to said she would dispatch them. I asked her for a reference number, something else I learned from farm life.... never put the phone down before receiving a reference.

The chaps in the meantime had recovered some of our stolen items; a speaker from the one DVD player, Johan's angle grinder, a few smaller tools and my cell phone (the one with the number I most often use, and that my neighbour would have recognized...lol). All were items that were dropped along the way, most likely because the thieves were weighed down with all they were carrying.

The first of the police officers arrived, having been dispatched by his station and apologized for the phones not being answered. A busy night and changeover of shift were the excuses, both of which we have heard before from years of living in a vast rural area.

He took a statement from NiQi and later Johan. He phoned the dog unit and they arrived  soon thereafter. He also phoned the finger print unit but they have yet to arrive. We are disappointed the finger print department didn't come because from past experience we had plenty of surfaces they could have dusted for prints.  Over the years and the numerous burglaries we have had, we have learned what surfaces are good for lifting finger prints and in this instance there were many. Knowing too that prints found can only be linked to police records makes it much more difficult to catch criminals in South Africa. There is no link between Home Affairs and the SAPS. It is unfathomable as to why not, but it is the way it is.

Initially I was angry that once more our privacy has been invaded. This is not the first time, nor the second, not even the third or fourth.... we have been burgled more than thirty times in the time Johan and I have been together. Our children have grown up living through the different experiences.  This is however the first time we have actually been at home, inside our house, whilst the burglars have been busy going through our personal belongings. Some years before, NiQi's flat was ransacked and almost everything she owned was stolen whilst she was in hospital, Johan in PMB and me asleep in the main house. I didn't hear a thing that time and all our dogs were asleep in the house with me so they didn't utter a sound in warning. So we have I believe become professional victims over the years.

I know how easy it is for people to say things like: "At least you weren't harmed" and "they are only material things they got away with", and yes it is true. I am thankful especially that when NiQi woke, whoever was in our home decided to make a run for it. I am grateful they didn't get away with more. BUT more than anything I am saddened that another break in sets us back financially. With each and every theft in recent years we have not been able to replace what has been taken or broken. We no longer have insurance to claim from. It just means we have to work that much harder to replace some of the things that are gone. Money from our wallets, my brand new laptop, the tools Johan uses to work on our home, the food in our freezer and fridge and the toiletries from our bathroom..... yes it could have been so much worse than it was, but it was bad enough.

Yes, I am sad for our material loss but more than anything I am sad that there are so many desperate souls living in South Africa. The thieves who broke into our home last Wednesday morning were hungry.... so hungry that they ate the left over sausage from supper the night before and cupcakes in the paper cases where the teeth marks can be seen where they didn't peel them first but just ate straight out of the case. They used our Pick n Pay cooler bags and filled them with almost everything in our freezer - meat, fish, ready cooked meals I had made for my mum and cupcakes...a days' baking of cupcakes....profit for NiQi's trust fund all gone just like that. They cleaned out our bathroom of toiletries and a towel. Johan joked to our neighbour we should be on the look out for a well groomed person  or persons, with pearly white teeth, well groomed hair and smelling of lavendar bubble bath. 

Yes these people are desperate all right and I hope their hunger was satisfied if only for a little while. With all the rest they managed to get away with, I sincerely hope they managed to make enough money to keep them and possibly their families going for more than a month. We have had enough now, it is time our government did more to help the many so desperate they have to steal. Economically it is becoming tougher for salaried people to survive.... how much more so for those unemployed.

Looking into NiQi's room from where a light was shone in her face

Our almost emptied fridge

Our emptied freezer

The basket where our day to day toiletries were stored

The bathroom cabinet - almost emptied

The cupcake case with teeth imprints.  We kept it for DNA analysis but it was never taken by the police

the gate between us and the plantation - now also electrified