Update on Building Willow Lane

The days, weeks and months are passing so quickly and work on the house has slowed with all that has been taking place in the garden...more importantly, clearing and fencing for the horses.  Much has been done but there is still very much more to be done.  Below are photo's of the house as it is progressing.  It will be more than a year before we are done and truth be told I am not bothered.  I have never been one for keeping up with the Jones's and I don't care to make comparisons.  I am not a social snob and have learned that there are way more important things in life than pride in possessions.  So what if  the house isn't completed as yet...we are still living comfortably amongst the chaos and that is all that matters.  I am proud of Johan for all that he does....working a day job and renovating our home.  He is a hero in my eyes and I love that he is so capable.

 The almost finished pool side of the house 

 One of two slate pillars found under plaster

 Matthew building the foundation wall of NiQi's bedroom

 The tiles have been removed and replaced with corrugated iron, the roof is now all one level

 A new doorway has been made leading from the lounge extension to NiQi's room.  The pillar is a feature in both rooms.

 NiQi's outside wall built up

 Old windows removed and openings cut for new windows

Clearing all around the outside walls to build a huge verandah

Anniversaries

The beginning of January Johan and I were married 34 years which as so many people are quick to point out is an achievement by today's standards.  

In the back of my mind there has been one couple who played a pivotal role in my life that I think I based my married life on....that is the life of my maternal grandparents.   I remember my gran being loving and caring and kind to everyone she knew, whether they were family, friends or neighbours.  As my gran she took me under her wing and taught me so many things about life.  When teaching me to knit she taught me perseverance.....she could see with each row I knitted that I was getting closer to finishing the article I was knitting.  When discussing the cost of a beautiful doll I had seen and dearly wanted, she taught me about the value of money and shared her wisdom on what mattered in life.  When watching her cook in the kitchen she showed me how to stretch a meal for one more unexpected mouth and shared cooking tips that I still remember.  When chatting to neighbours across the back garden fence, or passing every day greetings to those we walked past in the street, she taught me that friendships are important.  My granddad was quiet and softly spoken.  He saw more than he let on and he never judged anyone.  He showed me that hard work and working at something you enjoy has it's rewards.  When giving me sixpence pocket money once a month he taught me how to budget and save for something I really wanted.  Above all they both taught me that marriage was worth it for the long haul.

34 years has been hard work but I wouldn't want to have gone through all that we have done, with anyone else.  I hope that one day I may have grandchildren who will look to us as I did to mine.  Here's to another 34 years and counting....

Finding Family

Imagine waking up one mundane and ordinary morning and going about your usual run of the mill day, when suddenly your cell phone pings and via social media you have a message from a perfect stranger asking you if you have ever heard of a person that you happen to know was your father.  Well this happened just as described to someone very close to me and I thought to myself how social media has opened the doors to many all over the world who are looking for someone from their past.

In this case, so I am told, the messaging started by the stranger asking if they recognized any similarity in their names....which I believe was blatantly obvious by their surname and her maiden name (as is noted on her social media account) being spelled in exactly the same way.  The surname too, is not a very common one which piqued the interest of my friend and led to her reply.

At first unsure of where this person was going with her question she answered with the obvious but then added, as if to throw them off a bit that there were plenty of people in the world with the same surname.  In the interim she did her own quick investigation into the stranger's page, noting birth day, mother's name, town she was from etc.  Knowing her own family history with regard to her father she put two and two together and realized that this person was in all probability her half sister...but she waited until the next and following messages came through.

She herself was loath to give out any personal information, responding to questions with further questions and not giving any direct answers.  She was not sure what the motive behind the questions was as her father had passed away many years ago.  Was this young girl asking because she was genuinely just looking for him or was there another reason.  The messages went back and forth between the two of them and my friend learned that she knew this man she was asking after had passed away, although she didn't know when and had the incorrect year.  This made my friend suspiciously wonder if she was maybe looking for some kind of inheritance and finally left the messaging with one to the stranger saying she will try to find some information out for her via contacts in Home Affairs.

Well the first person she told about the morning's events was her sister and at length they discussed the possibility, but more likely, probability that this was their half sister - a very much younger half sister mind you, even younger than their own children.  The information gleaned from both the stranger and social media pointed to this very fact.  The next person she told was her daughter and later that evening her husband.

The following morning she decided to take the bull by the horns and message with everything the stranger had wanted to know...finishing off with the information that they are indeed half sisters and she does not hold her responsible for what happened between a family that was torn apart and another that was started.  I believe it took a while before she had a response and what came back was one that said she just wanted to find out about her biological father.  She had a father figure in her life, someone she called 'dad' but she knew by the fact that her surname was different that he was not her father.  It appears that she and her mother are not close and she was left to be raised by her granny as a young girl. She is looking for nothing but answers.

My friend and I are very close, in fact close enough to be sisters in kindred spirit and she said she feels an anticipated excitement at maybe finding some answers to questions she may have about a time when things are very hazy.

How many of us have family somewhere in this big wide world that we know nothing about...maybe more of us than we realize.  How many of us would open our hearts to a complete stranger and accept them as a part of their very small and very private family?  Isn't life wondrous with the detours taken and the stops and starts made....if any one of us have someone we can call family, we should embrace them with open arms for I am sure there are many out there who have absolutely no one....

2016

It is just more than a week since the New Year was 'rung in' across the world and this year we were all tucked in bed and sound asleep when the clock struck midnight and a new day and a new year began. This was so unlike 2015 which started off with a bang in more ways than one. 

Johan was still with NiQi and I in Pretoria and as had become a tradition since Elmarie and Marco's return from Canada, the Pretoria family congregated at their home for a New Year's Eve braai and celebrations to see in 2015. The braai as always was jolly and festive and Marco and Vian had invested in some 'pretty' fireworks. I say 'pretty' because with all the negative hype around fireworks and what the noise does to our domestic animals, the emphasis was on the flickering and swirling and swooshing into the atmosphere with the minimal amount of noise.

We will however none of us forget the one wayward firework that almost caused a catastrophe of note. Vian had lined up a number of giant rockets to be set off in quick succession....which he did.....and then we all stood and watched as they one by one started off with tiny sparks, shot off into the air, culminating in a massive array of multi coloured lights dissipating into the clear night sky. HOWEVER..... one of these rockets must have been faulty in the manufacturing process as it whizzed off into the night sky and then as suddenly boomeranged back at us, separating us as in the split second it took to then eaze back up into the air, it made it's way over the neighbours wall, under their carport and fizzled out in an anticlimax of nothingness. Needless to say we were all aghast at what had just transpired and with initial nervous giggles as we realized just how awful the incident could have ended, relief engulfed us. This New Year's eve I asked on our family whatsapp group if there would be celebrations with fireworks, to which Brett responded...'nothing more than sparklers'.

I look forward, as I always do, to another year. A year of 366 days as I realized half way through January 1st that this year is a leap year. A year which will be unwrapped one new day at a time. Whatever happens I know that God will be walking alongside me on my good days and carrying me on my sad ones. I am glad I do not know what the future holds but smiles or tears I will, God willing, get up each day and face it with all the strength I am given.

May 2016 be a year of love, celebration, much happiness, joy and laughter for each one of you.

Christmas in the Valley

Christmas 2015 was bitter sweet for me as it was our first Christmas back home....down in the valley as I like to say.

Our home is by no manner of means completed with all the renovations undergo, but it is coming on. After first saying I was not going to decorate for Christmas, I changed my mind after both Johan and NiQi convinced me to do so. There were a couple of reasons I didn't want to unpack and set up the tree etc, one of which was not wanting everything to get dusty and dirty. Another was to find everything, as we still have not placed all our furniture. (Some of it is standing in the other side of the house which will eventually be where NiQi and Kyle live.) The last reason though was one of mixed emotion and forethought as I realize that not everyone shares my enthusiasm for Christmas and the whole 'decorate your home' thing....so I was trying in a small way to not offend anyone with the way 'I' do Christmas.

As the years go on, I listen to the synics who protest at the earliness of Christmas being 'punted', and the growing number of our populace who believe and profess the celebration of Christmas is nothing more than another pagan holiday. I am amused by these thoughts as in my view Christmas and all it entails is in fact given much more 'time' than the one day, which in effect helps to promote the birth of Jesus......the real reason for the Christmas celebration. This ultimately makes people think about what it is really all about. So I wonder if those who complain so profusely about the carols being sung and all things 'Christmasy' in the shops, are concerned by the origin of the day and the way they see it being exploited or whether deep in their subconscious they believe it should not be celebrated at all. My thought is that it gives them reason to protest without adding any positiveness to what the day does mean to so many. I am one of those who feel the earlier 'Christmas' comes around, the better, for it does nothing less than spread good cheer, make many think of those less privileged than themselves and lastly focus's on the culmination of absolute joy at knowing without the birth of Jesus we would not have free will to choose Him and accept His gift to us of eternal life in heaven.

Back to why this Christmas was for me 'bitter sweet'.... it was as I said, our first Christmas back home and trailing my memory down the time line to 1994, I remember another Christmas which was the one and only that Mark spent here before he passed away....

I remember cutting a fir tree from the garden and the children decorating it as it stood in a bucket in the corner of the lounge next to the fire place.

I remember waking early on Christmas morning to find Mark sleeping under the tree surrounded by presents. He woke in the middle of the night after we had settled to sleep and I imagine him tiptoeing  to the lounge to see if Father Christmas had indeed visited. (Yes, Johan and I are in the category of parent who told our children of the fantasy of Christmas with Father Christmas and his elves who live in the North Pole and work tirelessly all through the year to give the children of this world toys at Christmas. I firmly believe there in nothing wrong in the fantasy of Christmas so long as it is balanced by the reality of Christ.)

We knew in our hearts it could very well be Mark's last Christmas with us and I really wanted it to be special for him. Thank goodness the children were all young and hopefully did not feel the tensions of the day as we shared it with Johan's parents who were living with us at the time. We were two different cultures celebrating quite differently from each other and in the confusion of preparing and perhaps a little naïvity from me, I had no idea that the whole family would later that day be descending on us. I remember cooking the turkey on Christmas Eve as my late dad had always done, only to find out later that Johan's mum was planning on serving a hot meal...what a disaster as I felt she thought I had deliberately bamboozled her plans.... I remember all the nieces and nephews being here and our children guarding their gifts for fear they would be broken. As young as they were they had been taught to look after their possessions and the reputation of their cousins when it came to toys and their lack of caring for them was well known to our brood. To say that Christmas day that year was a disaster is an understatement but I do not think the children will remember it like that at all...if they even do remember it.

So this year I remembered all these things as I was driving down the valley on Christmas Eve, and the tears welled in my eyes as I said a prayer for Mark and my dad and I missed them both with an ache in my heart.

Christmas day was somber, not for any of the above reasons, but it was quiet...too quiet and for the first time in our 33 Christmas's together, there was not a present in sight. It was a decision not made lightly, and not only because the finances are not available for gifts of any kind, but also out of respect for those who do not agree to the concept of gift giving. The family is growing and with it different cultures, beliefs and opinions come together to share and celebrate this day as they have been raised. I wanted to show I can be flexible, however in doing that I feel I lost a piece of me. From next year, whenever Christmas is in our home we will celebrate as we have always done with love and joy and fun and games.

Last Christmas was one of the best we have ever had. Matthew and Jess arrived Christmas Eve. Johan's sister, Elmarie and her family were back from Canada and his niece, Bernadette and her family all arrived mid morning on Christmas day as we started the day with brunch....rolled over into dinner midday and later snacks in the evening. We kept going all day long with the 'left/right' game which had us in stitches, making crackers and playing the game 'Apples to Apples' to well past midnight.

This year, I sent out invitations to local family for Christmas day. RSVP's were not forth coming which crushed my soul and it ended up being just the four of us...Johan, myself, NiQi and Kyle until late morning when Sara, Bob and my mum arrived. We had a nice Christmas meal sitting out on the front verandah with the  rain gently falling and the mist rolling in. A couple of hours later they were gone and that was Christmas.....over. Sara and Bob together with mum celebrated their Christmas on Boxing day with all their family together. Matthew and his girlfriend arrived on Sunday for tea. We were invited a few days before Christmas to spend Boxing day with my best friend and her family at their holiday home in Kamberg. It was another cool day with a scenic drive through the midlands trailing the rain with us.....we braaied...the kids played 30 Seconds....we chatted....we chilled....it was lovely with smiles and laughter. Christmas 2015 was not just another Christmas, it was a different Christmas.....

our view with the mist rolling in

Boxing Day in Kamberg

a view of the dam in front of their holiday home

"kids" playing 30 Seconds

Their holiday Christmas tree

William....my prince

A month ago on returning from a trip to Jo'burg we found my poor William had passed away. It seems that it had only happened in the last few hours before we arrived home, as Lindo, our gardener said to Johan the following morning that he was still fine late afternoon when he stopped work for the day.

I cried all night long as guilt at leaving him for two days ate away at my conscience. He had been blind for a number of years and it worried me that moving him down would cause him stress, even though his first home was back here.

I remember Johan surprizing me with him one day....it was totally unexpected and just more than a month after my birthday in 2004. I have always loved cocker spaniels, they are my favourite breed of dog and with the children being older and knowing the right way to handle dogs, Johan felt that the time was right to spoil me with a puppy. He was a pedigree and had been born at the beginning of May but for obvious reasons had to stay with his mum and siblings until he was weaned.

At the time Johan was driving back and forth to Pretoria and William was the first of our dogs that I allowed to lie in our room next to our bed....even at times letting him climb on the bed!!!!!!

Some months later, at the end of February 2015, William traveled up in the back of the bakkie together with Neo and Trinity, our two Great Danes as we journeyed towards our new home.  I was following behind the entire journey and I remember that for most of the trip the rain was pouring down around us and the wind was blowing fiercely making it difficult to drive.  At one point in the dark of the night, I saw something flying from the bakkie and my imagination thought it was William flying out through the open window, ears flapping in the strong winds. In shock I grabbed my cell phone and dialled Johan's number. Between sobs of a certainty that William was gone forever I told Johan what I had seen. He pulled over to the shoulder of the highway and in the pouring rain dashed out and had a look in the back of his bakkie. I had pulled in behind him and waited with baited breath. Still in the pouring rain with the cold wind beating around him, he ran to my car and as I cracked the window just enough to keep the rain out but open enoufh to hear Johan speak, he assured me that William was still in the back with his two mates and companions.  I know I saw something blowing from the bakkie and after checking what was strapped on the roofracks, realized that it must have been a piece of cardboard packed between things that with continuous flapping  eventually ripped off and blew away.  To say I was relieved was an understatement and over the years the story has been regaled with much mirth by my family.

For many years William had a whale of a time on the plot....chasing the wild rabbits and buck through the long grasses. I can still see him running and bouncing up in the air with his ears flapping out at the side of his head. He was never quick enough and was always outrun by his 'prey', but he never gave up the chase.

In the last 3, maybe 4 years, he lost his sight and for his own safety we erected a fence around the back portion of the house so that he was enclosed and wouldn't wander off losing his bearings. He spent most of his time sleeping in his bed in the kitchen before we moved back down here.  He learned a route from his bed, along the edge of the kitchen cupboards and out of the back door.  With time he walked less and stayed close to the back but he had a love for us all that he never lost. His food bowl was always in the same place close to his bed and he knew exactly where the water bucket was situated on the back verandah.  Once we decided to move back we talked many times about whether we should bring him with us or whether we should put him down.  Being blind he would have to learn his surroundings again but neither Johan nor I had the heart to take him to the vet.  He was my baby and I just couldn't do it.  In the first week here after following me around the house from the back to the front, he frll into the swimming pool. Thank goodness he has always been a good swimmer and as he swam around trying to find a place to climb out, we reached in and pulled him out. He didn't seem any the worse for wear but after that incident, we closed up the back verandah on the pool side so he couldn't get close again.  He needed to be reassured we were close by though, to hear our voices and movement  on the verandah and the kitchen otherwise he started to stress.  This is why I felt so bad when we arrived home after two days away to find he had passed away. Although Lindo was here, William I am sure knew we were gone and that was just too much for him.

My boy held a very special place in my heart. I will not forget him for a long time.  I hope he was as happy with me as a parent as he made me as a parent.  Love for a pet is a special kind of love....an unconditional love...RIP William.

Speaking From the Heart

I have just read a letter received, which was in my opinion really petty and mean.  This year has been a trying year for our family as a whole, in many aspects, but we have stood together and held our heads high.  Through all that has happened, our goal as a family has been to be truthful, love one another through thick and thin and not partake in or listen to any gossip.

Gossip is a terrible thing, and as someone recently said to my husband when confronted on repeating something...'it is not gossip if it is true'....well I don't think that is a truth in itself, as, and again in my opinion, gossip is saying anything about another person if they are not present....whether good or bad, but usually bad.

Over time, and more particularly I would say in the last 12/13 years, I have been prey to many gossipers and I confess I have been one to gossip myself, but as I have gotten on in years I have come to realize how hurtful and hateful gossip can be.

Those who know me, know that I profess to being a believer in Jesus Christ, in other words I call myself a Christian.  As a Christian, and trying and failing every day to follow God's commandments, I find that it is in many instances, fellow Christians who are the worst at gossiping and passing judgement on others.  I think we have forgotten what it is to love one another...for this is the greatest of all God's commands after 'You shall have no other god's before me'.

When did mankind decide that we should give out 'hurt for hurt'?
When did people make it their mission to destroy others, especially those who are or may at some point have been close to them?
When did the world become so full of evil that our waking thoughts become filled with how best to pay back the person/s who have turned their back/s on us?
When did it become 'okay' to snoop in our loved one's lives?
When did we start justifying our errors as 'protecting our own rights'?
When did the innocent victim become a part of this payback?

Why should those who are chronically ill have to suffer at the hand of one who is seeking revenge?
Why does a family have to suffer for the mistakes of one in the unit?
Why does a family business have to be destroyed at the expense of the scorned?
Why does a person have to be threatened with lawyer letters?

What happened to forgiveness?
What happened to moving on?

Where does it all stop?

We have forgotten how to be polite to each other.  People walk around daily with anger in their lives.  We cannot even talk to some people without involving a lawyer...why is that?

People talk about karma, but what is Karma?  Karma, as I understand it is the act of receiving in the same manner you have dealt out.  Quite frankly I do not believe in Karma.

I think I am what many might call a 'good' person.  I have been the best wife and mother I know how.  I have been around for teaching and homework and making lunches and lifting for play dates.   I have been a friendly neighbour.....helping with meals and grocery shopping and lifting to hospital appointments and lending out money on a non return basis.  I have given to the poor and championed the cause of the under privileged....going into the poorer areas to fetch children for Sunday School and youth and buying them Bibles and giving them gifts.   I have in the past made hospital visits to sick children in the wards, spending time with them and helping them when sick and their parents are at work.  I have taught Sunday School and been a Youth leader....and all those children that passed under my wing are still 'my children'.  I have led a Bible study.....growing together with those who came to listen.  I have worked in school tuck shops and baked for bake sales and sewn school play costumes and made chair bags.  I have given lifts to children to extra curricular activities for friends who could not get away from work, even dropping them for exams.  I have bussed sports teams and stood on the sidelines supporting every child I know.  I have loved our wider family to distraction, seeing the good in everyone, giving them all another chance...lol  I might think myself I have been a good person, and if this were the case then 'good karma' should follow me.  BUT it doesn't....so does this mean that all my faults, the bad things about me, my thoughts, far outweigh the good in me?

I believe that we live a life of free will.  We know what is right from wrong. What we choose to do, or think, or say, comes from within and how we act is what we will ultimately be judged upon one day.  I try very hard to keep my nose clean.  I stay away from trouble makers and live every day for my family.  Oh I know they are none of them perfect, but who is?  Sometimes it may take years to mend broken bridges, but I eventually do.  I am a peacemaker at heart...so please I beg of you...will you let me now have some peace.....