Stats are Still Good...

Early this morning I had a call from the medical sister at the company who supplies NiQi's oxygen machine and tank..... now remember a few weeks ago I posted that we waited and waited  for someone to come after them making an appointment and no one arrived!!!!!!

.....well anyway I said that I hope someone will arrive today as her machine has been making a noise of late, resulting in her having to reduce the volume of oxygen usage from 3.5 litres to just under 3 litres.  I gave the sister directions, decided I better tidy up a bit in anticipation and before I had finished she was here.

A very pleasant person indeed and she tested the oxygen machine  before taking NiQi's stats....it seems the problem was the water bottle, so she changed that and now it is working fine again.  NiQi's stats are good....in fact very good.  Her oxygen levels are 93% and her blood pressure was 110/76. The sister was pleased with her improvement....

I hear this and I have mixed emotions....I am happy that she seems to have reached a plateau of better health than she had previously but at the same time I feel I shouldn't be feeling like this at all.  It's difficult to explain, but I guess I continue to look back and remember her as she was in 2011/2012 and seeing her as she is today, knowing that the improvement although good, is not enough to lead a normal life like you and me.....it still means that even though she no longer feels the need to use the oxygen machine both day and night, her lung function is not sufficient to live for too much longer without a transplant.  Thinking logically though there shouldn't be improvement should there...with diseases like this where there is no cure and only degeneration, she should continue to get worse.  God has been gracious to her and to us and we are a witness to how he has taken her life and turned it around enough for her to at least enjoy it more than she was.

People look at her from the outside without knowing what is going on on the inside and think that she is fine now because she is doing better.  I think a lot of how she is physically has much to do with her mental outlook....she lives not for how she might be feeling today but rather for a future which she envisions in her mind.  I guess what I am trying to explain is that I myself no longer live every day with the fear that the end of her life might be approaching at a rapid rate, but rather that I now live with more hope.  My heart feels lighter, my head less pressured, tomorrow will be easier....